You've Got This!

And there I was at the concrete bench at a corner of our park. It had only been moments since I was here, drowning myself in extravagant tears, spending my last moments of decorum in the silence of my heart before complete chaos.

Then I saw Him.

He was standing beside me, watching me cry as passers-by gave me questioning glances. He had a solemn expression on His face, with thorns for a crown and tears forming His face. I paused for a bit, staring at Him. Never haveI ever seen Him like this. I've heard of the crown of thorns but I've never seen it. It was almost unbelievable. I had to ask, "w-what are you doing here?" My voice shaking.

"My child," He spoke gently, and at that moment, the world seemed to freeeze.

"What did you do?" I asked, birds suspended in the air.

"Is that what is bothering you?"

I sighed.

"Why are You covered in wounds, Jesus? I've never seen you like this before"

"This was how I left the world before My Resurection, child. This was the blood I shed to rid you of your sins."

"And yet we still get tempted" I thought.

"Temptations are always tests to strenghten your faith." He said. I was not surprised that He read my mind. He was the Alpha and Omega after all, so there was nothing He could not do.

"I've fucked up badly." I said, realizing my curse a minute too late. "I'm sorry for the curse"

"What did you do?"

Then I told Him,though I knew He knew, and He knew I knew that I knew.

"He was...he was realling getting on my nerves." I cried, "he flushed all our tissue paper down the toilet, clogging it. It's our only toilet!" I rambled on, "I scolded him, I tried to release the blockage...it only made things worse, then our parents returned home and he blamed it on ME. THE AUDACITY. It didn't help matters that I was still trying to unclog the toilet when they came home and I was grounded. They siezed my phone and laptop and said I wouldn't watch tv for a whole week." I paused and sighed, using the back of my hand to wipe my tears as I tried to surpress my emotions.

"I don't know what came over me, but-" I sniffled, "later that evening while I was cutting tomatos... he said something terrible to me; he always gets away with EVERYTHING! I know I over-reacted. I stabbed him five times in his tummy. Myparents were upstairs. His cries were drowned by the tv. He was still breathing when I dragged him down to the basement. Then I ran away. I went to a friend's house and stayed the night. I didn't want to be seen by anyone. I was so full of guilt...but when my parents started calling my friend the next morning, I escaped through the back door and ran to this park to sit because it's my happy place. I'm just waiting for them to find me. I'm so sorry."

He said,"have you told them you're sorry?"

"They'll NEVER forgive me," I cried, "I killed their only son!"

"But you're their only daughter."

I paused, not uttering a word.

"They'll never forgive me." I repeated.

"Trust in the Lord, child. Go and ask them for forgiveness." He gently instructed. Then I broke down in heavy tears.

"I feel so terrible, Lord. You have known me before I was born, You knew my tears before I shed them. You always hear me when I cry. You knew myjoys even before I knew what Joy was. Why are you still here? Even though I've messed up big time. Even though I maimed your creation. You're still loving me.

At that moment, I felt a hand on my shoulder. I felt warmed all over, I felt absolute Joy, I felt fulfilment.

"You are My creation, dear child. I love you because you're My own. I am still here because you still need Me. You always will. I am still here because you still need forgiveness. Do not be afraid, child, for I am with you. I have placed my right hand on your shoulder, and therefore no harm will come to you. I have given you the courage. Now, go forth and ask for your parents' forgiveness. You've got this!"

Then the Hand was gone. I still felt fulfilment, but He was no longer here, physically manifested. He was now in my heart, as He'd always been though I hadn't previously realised. Time resumed again, and the birds continued to fly like the previous time stop never happened.

I stood up from the concrete bench,walking straight to my home, armed with all the bravery given to me, and even when I found police cars and an ambulance right outside my home I walked straight on, even when I was being handcuffed by a sergent, I went forward. I fell on my knees infront of my parents, begging for their forgiveness before I was whisked off into the policecar and taken into custody. I could see my brother wrapped in white on a stretcher rolling into the Ambulance. I could still see the confused and dazed expressions on their faces. Police sirens blared all around me. Even though I knew I would likely be tried in court for attemptd murder [my brother did not die], even though I would it may never be the same in our household, the Lord was with me and I withHim. I had faith that I would get through this. I got this. And finally, I was happy that, I had been forgiven.